DRINK THIS SMOOTHIE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING! STOP WAITING! DRINK IT, DRINK THE SMOOTHIE!
Fix your life with the juice:
Apologies for the lack of full-length blog posts, everyone! In the meantime, please enjoy this buffer blog about my everyday breakfast which makes me feel like I’m made of plants.
THE OBJECTIVE: Fit as much crap as you can in one blender, then DRINK IT! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!!!!! GOOD HEAVENS!!!! MAKE THE SMOOTHIE!!!!!
You know when you look up a recipe online and it has this whole backstory before getting to the actual recipe itself? Like as if the recipe blossomed from a life-changing event and that’s why it exists? But then you have to scroll scroll scroll through the chef’s novel to get to the recipe itself? This is my version of that: I am not necessarily the biggest breakfast person. I’m not too hungry right when I wake up, but I do realize that it’s the “most important meal of the day.” So, I must work with that fact of life.
I currently have four jobs, (one full-time, three side gigs) which means that I like to hit the ground running in the morning with NO TIME TO SPARE! No time to spare, in that I cannot take the time to pick up a fork, cut into some eggs, and like… CHEW it? The chewing alone is already too much for my current schedule.
This is the point where you turn to The Blender. The Blender is the master of bringing it all home. Think of all of your favorite breakfast foods. Fruit? Put it in the blender. Oats? Put it in the blender. A COUPLA EGGS BENNY? THROW IT IN!!!
The beauty of the blender creating a smoothie concoction is that you have the ultimate opportunity to out every single ingredient that you want and make a masterpiece of a MEAL. Yes, I said it! A meal that you can DRINK.
And not only that. But it makes you feel GOOD. Mentally and Physically GOOD. I’m going to bring up dates later, and I don’t even KNOW what they’re good for! But I know they’re good! SO JUST THROW IT IN THERE!!!!
There are a few potential bumps in the road, one being that you may risk putting TOO much in the blender. That’s okay! You may 1) make a little mess that can be easy to clean up or 2) break the blender and you have to buy a brand new one. Those are two things you will learn from, move on from, and potentially have to get an even BETTER blender because of it! That’s called a Santo win-win!
It’s quick, it’s easy, AND it’s customizable. But, to spark the smoothie ideas in your brain, I will be providing my perfect smoothie recipe… THE HANSAN GREEN ELIXIR (Yes, this is another reference to Wicked. I’ve said it once and i’ll say it again… THAT MOVIE WILL CHANGE LIIIIIIIIIIVES!!!!)
INGREDIENTS:
One Whole Lemon
Chunk of Lemon Peel
Little Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Apple
Big Chunks of Fresh Pineapple
Chunk of Ginger Root
Chunk of Tumeric Root
Two Dates
Big Ol’ Handful of Baby Spinach/Kale (Probably a cup? I don’t know.)
W W W W W WATERRRRR
Chia Seeds
Hemp Seeds
Honey
Frozen Mango
Love
STEP 1: THE LEMON
The Benefit (I Think?): Vitamin C!
When I tell people about my smoothie recipe in person and start with “Put in a whole lemon,” they get a little concerned. I get it… it’s a LOT of lemon. But honestly, once you bring all the other fruits and such into the mix, it is not that lemony.
You COULD technically throw in the whole entire lemon, peel and all. However, I have tried this. Now I LOOOOOOVE lemon, and one time I decided to put the whole thing in, and the smoothie truly tasted like Lysol. SO… my recommendation is just throw in a small portion of the peel and then freeze the rest for later.
STEP 2: THE APPLE
The Benefit (I Think?): It keeps THE DOCTA AWAY!
The key with the apple is it has to be small enough that it doesn’t take up 70% of your blender’s space capacity. If you get a big freaking apple, then your smoothie will JUST be apple! Not cool! That’s why the itsy bitsy teeny weeny apple will do the trick. Remember the apple in the original “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” cartoon from the 1960s? That’s what it should look like. And no, it’s not a strawberry.
STEP 3: THE PINEAPPLE
The Benefit (I Think?): Makes you feel like you’re not living in the Midwest right now
The thing that I really like about the pineapple portion of the smoothie journey is 1) tastes so good and FRESH! and 2) it keeps the smoothie green when you add the spinach and kale. An observation I have made about myself is that I enjoy the smoothie the most and drink it quicker when it’s green. What can I say… I like Chlorophyll! And then, once you add blueberries or strawberries, it turns the green smoothie into brown goopy sludge color. S L U D G E. Ew!
STEP 4: THE ROOTS
The Benefit (I Think?): It comes straight from the ground, it’s gotta be good!
Throw in these so-called “SUPER FOODS” peel and all. Someone fact-check me, but I think (generally) the peels of foods can be even MORE nutritional than the flesh of it. So for the ginger root and turmeric root… DON’T peel! Even though I said to peel the lemon. I WOULD have the lemon peel in there if it wasn’t such a strong TASTE, AUGH WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE SO STRONG!? Also, I think a chunk of ginger is called a “knuckle.” That’s fun!
STEP 5: TWO dates. Not one, TWO! TWO DATES!
The Benefit (I Think?): I’ve read they’re good for you! Maybe for your heart? I don’t know!
Okay, you COULD just do one date. It doesn’t matter, it’s just a smoothie.
……..
KIDDING! THAT WAS A TEST! IT DOESN’T MATTER??!! JUST A SMOOTHIE?!!? YOU’RE CRAFTING A WORK OF ART, PEOPLE! TWO DATES!!!!!!!
Also, yes. You can use the date seeds in your smoothie concoction, but if your blender is… ahem… SUBPAR, you might have big chunks of what feels like gravel in the smoothie. Personally, I don’t like drinking rocks.
STEP 6: THE GREENS! SPINACH! KALE!
The Benefit (I Think?): IT’S GREEN!!!!!!
GREEN GREEN GREEN! EVERYTHING IS GREEN!
STEP 7: THE LIQUID
The Benefit (I Think?): We ALL need water!
I’m more into a juicy smoothie rather than a milkshake, which is why I will use water as my base. You could use milk if you WANT, or you could be just like me. Milk or a good friend? It IS your smoothie, so I guess the choice is yours.
One time I used coconut water and it made the whole smoothie taste like sticks. I do not recommend… unless you like sticks.
STEP 8: BLEND BLEND BLEND
The Benefit (I Think?): This is what makes it a smoothie!
BLEND BLEND BLEND BLEND BLEND BLEND BLEND BLEND BLEND for about 15 seconds. You don’t have to do a full blend sesh right now; this is just to get the fruits acquainted with each other and prepare for STEP 9.
STEP 9: THE EXTRA BITS!
The Benefit (I Think?): Toppings are fun
Sprinkle down a layer of chia seeds and hemp seeds like you’re laying down a fresh layer of grass for the spring. But WARNING! I would only use the seeds if you have a strong blender that will chop them up, or if you don’t mind texture. PERSONALLY, if I feel one seed in my final product, I will not be happy. Also, add honey, but make sure it’s RAW and UNFILTERED! STRAIGHT FROM THE BEES!
STEP 9: FROZEN MANGO
The Benefit (I Think?): Cold
This is where things start to get a little complicated, depending on how much of each ingredient you decide to add. Typically, I get to this final ingredient and find myself in a pickle, which is I already put way too much into the blender. I never learn. I’m just so excited to make such a great big smoothie with such great things! You may have to risk having the blender overflow, but that should be a risk you’re willing to take, to be honest.
STEP 10: THE LOVE
The Benefit (I KNOW!): Makes you feel warm n’ fuzzy
If you reaaaaaaaally think about it, this is the most important step. I would hope that at this point, it should be a given that you got to incorporate the love in everything, even BEYOND a Nutribullet. I suggest to light a candle, crack the windows, say your morning prayers, tell your friends and family how thankful you are for them, give the blender a hug, then making the smoothie. If you’re not leading with your heart, then WHY! MAKE! THE SMOOTHIE!
STEP 8: BLEND BLEND BLEND
The Benefit (I Think?): YOU’RE SO CLOSE.
BLEND BLEND BLEND BLEND BLEND BLEND BLEND BLEND BLEND for about a whole minute. This ensures the blades do their work in chopping up every atom to bits so you can have a smooth sailing smoothie.
Guys… that’s it! THAT’S the breakfast! I would have added a photo of what my smoothie looks like, but I was a fool and did not snap a pic of it this morning. I tried looking through my camera roll and could only find pictures of smoothies with cherries in it (AKA… RED, not GREEN). So instead, here is a picture of me in March 2023 drinking something ELSE that is green: a McDonald’s Shamrock Shake.
LOOKIN good, FEELIN good!
･ﾟ: *✧ Epilogue ✧*:･ﾟ
If you want to crank it up a few notches, you can add these two other additions to your morning so we can be synced up.
If you haven’t heard, gut health is so incredibly important and can be the reason why you feel like DOG WATER EVERY DAY.
You know how you can naturally find probiotics in foods, like yogurt or kimchi? Okay well, Kefir (kuh feer, but I pronounce it KAH FEER) is one of them, and just so happens to also be a drink. And… oh, what’s this? MORE liquids? Let’s add tea to the mix!
I know what you’re thinking… “Hannah! How are you able to drink so much in the morning? I would have to pee ALL day!” And you’d be exactly right! That IS what I do! I am not saying it is ideal. As a matter of fact, it is quite annoying! I just love my drinks. And you can too <3
Check out the last post:
